When we could not connect on anything else, we could always connect over sushi and miso soup.
Throughout the early teenage years, there are always amazing, and memorably moments. Then there are the rocky times. Times when opinions fly, tempers flare, as well as nostrils, and unresolved issues can loom over parent and teen like a dark cloud.
These are hard moments. When they occurred, I did comprehend that disagreements were inevitable, and will happen again with my other teens. I also knew we would get through them. My mother and I came through those rocky moments, and with prayer, BY GOLLY, my teenagers and I will get through them too!
As a parent, the unfortunate reality is sometimes you must stick to your guns and say no to your teenager. They may think you are unreasonable, mean, and out to ruin their life, but at certain times you must disappoint them :(.
More than a few times, I had to deliver the dreaded answer of “No”, and feelings were hurt. What was needed after the stressful conversation was an adequate cool off period…ugh… never fun.
After some time would pass, I would buck up, take the risk of further conflict, and check in on my teen. This was always a risky move. There was a good chance the heated discussion would reignite. There was also the chance, and it did occur, when she would be less upset and we could have a reasonably discussion. At those moments, I knew we were headed to resolution.
Unfortunately, sometimes the check-in would reignite conflict and resolution seemed impossible. At least for that day or week. That is not how I would to leave our relationship. I refused to. We had to reach a point of resolve.
This is when my wheels would start turning. What olive branch could I offer, to begin the process of healing this riff between us?
Thank God she would always say yes to the tempura shrimp roll, the deluxe roll with spicy mayo, and miso soup.
We would sit across from one another, and I would shelve all disagreements or issues. That would be resolved in the near future. They would not be addressed now.
Now was a delicate moment. It was a moment I would be able to look upon my beautiful daughter. I was completely, and utterly proud of her. She was precious to me and this was the moment to reach out, and show it to her.
The food was delicious, and for a few minutes we would eat, savor and make the sounds of, “OMS, this lunch is so Yummmmm!”
I don’t know if she ever realized how I felt about her in those moments, but the goal was always the same. I wanted to show her that I loved her. To prove to her that her life and happy heart, were extremely important to me. To solidify in her that an argument was not going to get in the way of how I felt about her.
Our therapy eating sessions didn’t solve every discussion or decision, but it did end the conflict.
Above all, I hope it proved to her that I will always offer an olive branch, and work to remain in a loving relationship with her. She is so IMPORTANT and very PRECIOUS to me.
Once again I must exclaim, “Thank God for sushi and miso soup!”